So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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