My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
