I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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