While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
