I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think i have two assholes
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
