I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
