all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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