do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
