its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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