What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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