More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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