There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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