when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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