Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
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My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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