Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
