We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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