Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
