you didnt know i had herpes?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He shit in the fireplace
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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