Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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