new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
