The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
