I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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