as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
