Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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