unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
