She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He passed out mid-signature
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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