I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
