my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
