Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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