Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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