Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
