wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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