Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wear drunk well.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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