I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
