So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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