I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You don't make any sense
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