walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
