How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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