If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
