soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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