Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
