This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
