I wish my penis had an off switch
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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