I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
