watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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