Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Of course I have a pirate flag
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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