babies were throwing up all over the place
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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