College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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