I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
