he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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