look no pants
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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