Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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