I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
