can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
