I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
