from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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