You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
God, I missed his penis.
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