I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need to calm my uterus...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
