Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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