So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just invented taco cereal.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
