I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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