I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
